Monday, March 22, 2010

OhMyGod :/

You guysss !
Omg omg omg omg ... I'm SO SO SO SORRY!
I know I haven't posted anything in like AGES ..literally.
Again, I'M SO SORRY.
I just had SO much work to dooo! And I just could not think about anything, bas now the workload is becoming less and I dedicated more time to writing. So yeah, will you guys continue the story wla I start a new one? :/ 'Cause even I had to RE READ it :P XD Bas ya3ne it's just like 11 posts, so it's not that much. xD

Friday, June 26, 2009

The Tables Have Been Turned (11)

Continued from the previous entry

Then I heard a ‘dinggg’ and the elevator door opened to our floor and I stepped out with tears streaming down my face and I ran to my room.

Once in my room I couldn’t stop crying. It was quiet, and all I could do was think about what happened in the past few days. There was one word (or should I say name) that kept repeating in my head over and over again.


Why the hell was I such a bitch to him? Sara’s right, he doesn’t deserve this. He’s the nicest, most likable guy I have ever met and I threw him away like a kid would throw out an old toy. That’s exactly how I was acting, like a child. A greedy, spoilt, stuck in the past child who still believed that 7amad was going to come galloping on his white horse just like prince charming.

But I’m not stuck in the past anymore. Seeing Masha3el today was just what I needed to get over her, proof that she was a man-loving whore. She just goes from one guy to the next, not thinking about the consequences. I bet Fahad’s just like her, just like 7amad. He probably told his girlfriend (or fiancĂ© in my case) that he loved her, then hours later hooked up with Masha3el. I feel so sorry for the both of them, especially Masha3el. I look down on her, I pity her. W I thank god that she did what she did, she proved to me that 7amad wasn’t worth my time, effort and most importantly love. I realize now that I’ve kept my heart in a box, sealed away because of fear that what happened before with 7amad might happen again, but I’m not going to do that anymore.

Didn’t I just say that I wouldn’t discuss the past? I’m over it. Completely over it. Anyway, I remembered that I didn’t speak to Khaled since I sent him that text message so I looked through my messages hoping to find an unread text message from him, but to my dismay, there was nothing.


From Khaled’s Perspective

Rja3t ils3oodya 3shan I didn’t know what to do. Shift her message
‘Babe, wallah I’m so sorry… Bas you know what happened with 7amad before...’
Keif tigdar itgool babe ba3d ilee 9ar? Ba3d kl ileee 6ila3 mn famha itgool ‘babe’. Bas it’s true, a3rif aish 9ar ma3 7amad w I kinda take the blame for what happened. I shouldn’t have said I love you, maybe it was too soon? Maybe I should have waited until she said it first? Ma3rif, I’m too confused right now. A day passed w I didn’t reply to her message w she didn’t send anything. Does that mean she thinks it’s over? Wla yimkin she thinks that because I didn’t reply that I want it to be over? Ufff ilbanat marra confusing!

I decided to send her a message and just forget about everything that happened, just continue as if masma3t shay because as I said before, me telling her ‘I love you’ made all of this happen, so I sent her this

‘When are you leaving Dubai? Ab’3a ashoofk’

That was simple, and I did want to see her, talk to her face to face about what I heard, and what I was going to do until I heard what she said.


Juju’s perspective, continuation of the diary entry

Right after putting my phone down, disappointed that he didn’t reply to my message, my phone vibrated indicating that I received a text. 

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Breathe Slow <3 [ Dedicated To Lady Dazzzzy :* ]

Ok, so .. I've been working on Lady Dazzy's project thing
I've been wanting to do it since EVER :D And i finally got inspired by the wonderfully amazing song she recommended, Breathe Slow .. ahh it's so amazing
Dazzy: I know I was supposed to email this to you, bas I'm too lazy to search for your email, so I'm posting it here, w inshallah you see it :P
And I hope you guys like it, because for once in my life I actually like something that I wrote, w this was actually funnn !!! I wanna do more <3>

Anywayssss, here it is


I could feel the tears as they slowly made their way down my face. I could see my reflection in the window, I could see the tears as they reach my chin and linger there for a second, maybe two. Then they would let go and fall into uncertainty. I could see the cars outside, going to places, coming back from places without a care in the world. My breathing starts to accelerate and my mind keeps going back to what I saw, what I read.


Can’t forget to breathe slow
Count from one to ten

With my eyes closed

As I take in a breath I could feel it cleansing me, then I sensed a shiver go through my whole body. I took in my second breath, third, fourth and fifth. I kept counting the breaths as I drew them in, as I exhaled. When I reached the last breath, just before I could inhale my doorbell rang.
            Great I thought to myself. I stood up, grabbed a tissue and wiped away my tears. As I was walking to the door I passed by the mirror and I saw my reflection. My face was bloated and red, ashkara I was crying. My hair, which was once in a messy bun, became even messier if that’s possible. Strands of my straight dark brown hair were all over the place, some clinging to my face.             I assumed it was my friend Reem, so I just called out “Ooooone sec, I’m coming”. I ran to the bathroom, opened the tap and splashed my face with cold, refreshing water that all of a sudden energized me. I dabbed a towel onto my face and looked in the mirror for any proof that I was crying, I found none. Good. I undid my hair and tied it back into a high ponytail. I ran back to the door and just before opening it I tucked in the loose strands behind my ear, fixed my posture and opened the door.
            There wasn’t anyone there. I stepped out and looked to my right and found nothing except for my neighbor’s welcome mat. I then looked to my left and found the elevator. No one was there. As I turned around and headed back into my apartment I tripped on something and I almost fell over my coffee table. When I looked down I found a bouquet of a dozen red roses that were left there. I wasn’t surprised, but I didn’t want anything to do with them, so I picked them up and headed towards the trash can. Just then, I spotted a card in between the roses and it read ‘I’m sorry, I love you… turn me over :)’. So I turned the card over and it read ‘I love YOU, and only you. No one else’.

Just then, as if on cue tears filled up my eyes,

I love you too much

It shows, all my emotions go out of control

When I can hardly see

From the tears that flow

I couldn’t believe that this was happening to me. I was just over it… I didn’t think there were any more tears in me to flow out! Tawnee I felt energized and refreshed, and now, here I am, crying again. If someone walks by my apartment they’ll see a girl in her pajama shorts and tank top holding a bouquet of roses in her hands and crying like a sad little child. Pathetic I know. I feel so weak, fragile and useless. I feel abandoned, unwanted and neglected. I turned to close the door and everything was a blur, I couldn’t see from the tears that kept pouring out of me, and my body felt frail. I threw the roses onto the couch and sat on the floor, against the door with the card in my hands. I kept reading it over and over again ‘No one else’. Did he really think that sending me a bouquet would make me forget everything that happened? Did he really think that I’d pretend that it’s all okay? Does he believe that sending me these flowers would prove to me that he’s faithful? I knew one thing for sure; I knew that he wasn’t faithful. He was disloyal, faithless, deceptive and devious. There was no way I was going to go back running into his arms. No way.
            Even though I love him.
            No, I don’t love him. I love the man that used to be him. He changed, and I don’t like the new him. Just as I was getting lost in my own thoughts, my phone starts to vibrate. It was on the coffee table next to the couch with the roses. I stood up, wiped away the tears and I answered the phone without looking at the screen. It’s probably Reem getting some movies for later I thought to myself.
I took a deep breath,

“Aloo” I said calmly. I was greeted by a voice I knew all too well.
“Hala Siham”
Ummm what? Did he seriously say Hala to me?
“Na3am? Shtabee? A9lan ma bagee shay for you to say, gilt kl shay. You know what, I hope you’re happy ma3aha, 5la9 gilna it’s over” A tear slowly crept down my face but I didn’t let it show in my voice “So shtabee ba3ad?”
“Mabeeha, abeech inti. I love YOU. Didn’t you get my flowers? Yalla ana na6rich ta7at, let’s go out ok? Yalla 7abeebti don’t be like this giltich I’m sorry”

I’m running out of patience

‘Cause I can’t believe
what the hell I’m hearin’

And speaking of hell, it don’t compare to this heat that I’m feeling


Still on the phone, I walked over to my balcony and looked down. And sure enough, there he was, standing outside his newly purchased red Bentley with his hoodie up because of the rain. I was interrupted by his voice; I completely forgot he was on the phone

“So? Shgiltee? Ok?”
“LA! IT’S SO NOT OK.. YOU TREAT ME LIKE SHIT W YOU EXPECT ME TO COME BACK? I’VE BEEN PUTTING UP WITH THIS FOR 4 YEARS 7SAIN! 4 YEARS! W KL MARRA ITGOOL SORRY. 5LA9, I’M PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!” I was so surprised, I’m not usually this emotional, but my emotions are out of control. He was so taken aback by what I said; I could hear the hesitation in his voice. He didn’t say anything.
“7sain, 5la9.. that’s it. I won’t be treated this way anymore” At that point the tears came back.
Perfect. I was crying so hard. I knew that he could hear me gasping for air, but I continued talking,  “Please… don’t call me anymore… bye”

            And with that, I ended the phone call. I sighed a big sigh of relief and comfort. I texted Reem, ‘Wenich? Please ta3aleely w get movies and ice cream pleaaase :)’. Then I noticed the roses were still on my couch. I picked them up, walked slowly to the balcony, and threw them out… signaling the end of the relationship. And I suddenly felt a sense of liberation wash over me, a feeling I haven’t felt for the past four years.

Can’t forget to breathe slow

Count from one to ten

With my eyes closed

Saturday, June 20, 2009

The Tables Have Been Turned (10)

Ok, here's the deal.
I know my posts are short. But I promise to keep them coming, so that should make you guys happy right? I really did TRY to write a long one, but it just didn't work, it was too boring and it just dragged on.
Anyways, here's part 10 w I hope you like it.

NOTE to dazzzy: Writing those stories is hard :( Bas I'm trying, w as soon as I'm done (which could be a loooong time :p) I'll send it to you :D

Oh, w is it just me or is blogger really slow these days? Ya3ne I post something w it takes it hours to show up :s


Continued from the previous diary entry

“Now that you ask, bitcha3el here ruined my life. So here’s a little friendly advice, be careful. Yalla Sara inroo7”

I grabbed Sara by the hand and just as we were leaving she turned around and said “I hope you choke on the wasabi, bitch”

We managed to get a taxi quickly and we headed back to the hotel. I sat in the taxi in silence and I could tell that Sara wanted to say something about what happened, bas she remained quiet. I got my iPod out and pressed play and the first song that came up was Bala 7ub. That made me remember the day on the balcony where I first met Fahad so I immediately pressed next… ‘The Mess I Made’ by Parachute was the next song and it made me feel like complete crap because it made me think about a lot of things. The first thing I thought about was, ‘God I’m a bitch!... A guy told me he loved me and all I did was ignore him.’ Then I went back in time and thought about that day. That terrible, dreadful summer day. It was supposed to be the best day in my life. It was my birthday and all my friends were there, my family was there and my fiancĂ© was there. I knew they were planning a surprise for me so I went shopping with Sara. That’s what I regret the most, I should have just stayed at the apartment watching movies, but no … I had to be my usual stubborn self and insist on going out shopping. Actually, no.. I don’t regret it at all. Bil3aks I’m GLAD I went shopping, I’m glad that I went and saw what I saw, because otherwise I wouldn’t have known what Masha3el was doing. I mean, I knew she had lots of boyfriends bas she was my best friend, and 7amad and I were supposed to get married!

Just when I was reaaaally getting into the song Sara takes off one of my earphones and says “Joooooj shfeech? Yalla w9alna”
“Shno? Ohhh ok, I’m coming” Just before I left the car I promised myself that I’ll leave the past in the past and not bring it up every again, the name Masha3el means nothing to me.

So we went into the elevator. I pressed on ‘40’ which was the top floor, where our rooms were. I stood there with Sara in silence watching the buttons light up as we were passing the floors when Sara broke the silence

“Jooj, I know you don’t want to talk 3an ilee 9ar ilyom bas you have to let it out ok? You can’t keep suppressing your feelings, mb zein”
As soon as she said that I felt my eyes starting to water and for some reason I felt heat rush up to my face. Just as I was about to burst out I reminded myself that there is no reason why I should bring up the past. Ilee 9ar, 9ar, w it’s not like I can change what happened. So I just looked at Sara and calmly said to her “Sara, nothing happened. Fahad has a girlfriend, w I don’t even know the guy that well, so 3adee.. whatever”
“J, that’s not what I was-”
“I know Sara, I don’t want to talk about it ok? Just let it go. She’s irrelevant”
“Ok fine, bas know that I love you and that I’m here for you ok?”

Then I heard a ‘dinggg’ and the elevator door opened to our floor. I stepped out with tears streaming down my face and I ran to my room. 

Friday, June 19, 2009

8 things + QUESTION

I was tagged a couple of days ago, bas i couldn't find the time to do this
But, now i have the time, so here it goes ... 
w M, thanks for the tag hun ;* w allah ygawim your dad blsalama 

8 Things I'm looking forward to:
- Europe <3
- Graduation
- Ramadan, best part of the year :D
- All the TV shows to start again in September :P
- My birthday in July
- Finishing my story xD
- Hopefully getting good grades

8 Things I wish I could do:
- Travel around the world
- Tan without burning - For me, I burn THEN the tan comes a few days later :P
- Bake
- Control the weather. Haha, random i know :P But right now there's a dust storm and it's so windy w i want it to stoppp >.<
- Flyyy. Again, random. But there was a bird next my window w it just flew away...
- Draw <3
- Speak Spanish
- Stop procrastinating 

8 Things I love:
- My friends and family
- Shoes
- Online shopping - my new addiction (L)
- Photography & my camera
- Photoshop
- My laptop
- My Blackberry
- London during the winter

8 Things I did yesterday - my day was pretty much uneventful so things I'm gonna list are lame xD
-  Go shopping
- Work on my story
- I took my brother to the pearl because he wanted to see the Ferraris -.-
- Sleeeeeep <3>
- Eat
- Worked on an art project
- Bought flowers
- Spoke on the phone

8 Shows I watch:
- One Tree Hill
- Gossip Girl
- 90210
- Desperate Housewives
- House
- Bones
- Lost
- Heroes

8 Bloggers I tag (I'll just tag a few 'cause most of you were already tagged XD)
- Mimil - So you can start your blog :P
- MOTH - 'cause you've been gone, god knows where. Come back ! 
- ATW - Who's finally back :D

Everyone else i wanna tag is already tagged, so yeah :P

Ok, so I'm writing my story. BUT all i can come up with are short posts :P So, would you guys want me to post the short ones or post one long one? If you choose the long one, then you'd have to wait a while. Inspiration hits me rarely.

The Tables Have Been Turned (9B)

I feel like i keep apologizing to you guys. Sorry - again. Here's a short one. Butttt i should be excused because 
a) this is the second post today anddd its good ;p so yeah.
b) you get the answer behind the whole Masha3el-Juju thing so be happy ok? Pleaase? :D
oh and c) This is part b, so when combined with part a it makes one LOOOONG post xD

Oh, and for the people who are about to read this, read part 9A first. I posted it earlier today.
A7ibkum alll :*


Continued from the previous diary entry

Oh, so she was the girlfriend. She said the word ‘7abeeby’ in the most daloo3a tone ever, it was worse than what I remembered. She seemed so demure, modest and innocent, but I knew better. I knew that this was all an act and that the horns are bound to come out sooner or later.

Fahad noticed that I had a strange look on my face (strange is the wrong word to use, I had a look of disgust like I was about to throw up or something) and he said “Shfeech? Are you okay?”

I was like “No shitttt i7lif bas?! You’re with my ex-best friend who stole away the guy I loved on my fucking BIRTHDAY. DO I LOOK OKAY TO YOU?!”

Ok diary … I OBVIOUSLY didn’t say that to him; but the fact that he’s with her just disgusts me. I can never look at him again, I had to get out of there.

“Fahad, dgeega bas baroo7 il7amam” I grabbed my phone and headed to the bathroom. When I was there I BBMed Sara,

Jo: Saraaa !! WTF shtabee. I can’t stay here. Just tell Fahad I had to leave ok? Pleaaaaase
Sara: I told you something bad was gonna happen. I knew bi9eer shay. I knew it.
Jo: Sara chub ok? You always turn out to be right, im sorry ok? Can you tell me what to do?
Sara: OMG you should so STAY and do what she did to you :O
Sara: You realize that was a joke right?

I liked the idea of revenge. I hated her, what she did to me was so not cool. She was my best friend. We were brought up together, kint in her house KL YOM w she basically lived in mine. We talked about everything together, I knew everything about her and she knew everything about me. She was closer to me than my own sister. What she did to me wasn’t just ‘bad’, or having bad judgment or being a backstabber, it was more than that it was complete and utter betrayal.

Anyway, so I walked back to the table. Sara was giving me a yal-7mara-don’t-do-it look which I completely ignored. I took my place next to Sara, smiled at Fahad and said,

“So Masha3el, how’s life with you lately? 7amad-less?”
Fahad, very confused said “You two know each other?!”
“Now that you ask, bitcha3el here ruined my life. So here’s a little friendly advice, be careful. Yalla Sara inroo7”

I grabbed Sara by the hand and just as we were leaving she turned around and said “I hope you choke on the wasabi, bitch” 

Thursday, June 18, 2009

The Tables Have Been Turned (9A)

Ok, so I've been a bad blogger. Sorry. My exams finished and I finally found time to relax and write something. I've written an extremely short post now bas i promise part B will be posted soon. Hopefully by tomorrow, maybe even tonight if i suddenly get inspired. And I barely read anything this whole week, so I'll catch up on your stories today :D

Oh, and I got tagged agessss ago by M but I didn't have time to do it, so I'll do that soon

So here it is, hope you guys like it. Oh, and no cliffhanger 'cause I keep getting a slap on the wrist every time i have one (a)


Continued from the previous diary entry

While Fahad was still on the phone I randomly looked up at the entrance and saw her. It was like poison suddenly spread across the atmosphere, the whole evening was ruined and I was plunged back into hatred, hurt and anger. What was she doing there? I couldn’t believe what was happening, why couldn’t she just leave me alone? Stop haunting me! When I decided to move on from the past, it suddenly found a way to fly back and hit me right in the face. It was enough to make me shiver with rage.

Sara looked at the direction I was looking at and saw that she was here. Sara turned to me and said “dude, she’s heading towards our table”

w since we were on the last table, she was
obviously coming towards us, even though I secretly hoped she wouldn’t notice we were there and head right into the wall where her head would start bleeding and she would instantly die.

That didn’t happen.

“Hala” Her voice was strangely relaxed and calm, I was sure that if I would have said anything I would have lost it, I would have been extremely infuriated.
As soon as she said ‘hala’ Fahad turned around and smiled at her. Usually, I would find his smile to be comforting but this was just nauseating and off-putting. I was so clueless, I had no idea what to make of his smiling at her. The only thing that I kept thinking was ‘why the hell is he smiling at her?!’
Then, Fahad said “Hala Masha3el, wein Fara7… ma yat?”


It suddenly hit me, she was either the girlfriend or the girlfriend’s friend. I wished and prayed that she was the girlfriend’s friend. It really isn’t possible that this would happen to me twice. Ok fine, last time was different, but she still ended up with the guy.


She cleared her throat (I hoped that she was chocking, but it turned out to be a ‘hey-juju-did-you-miss-me?’ type of thing because she gave me a na’6ra) and said “la 7abeeeby fara7 maree’9a” then she sat down next to him. Oh, so she was the girlfriend. She said the word ‘7abeeby’ in the most daloo3a tone ever, it was worse than what I remembered. She seemed so demure, modest and innocent, but I knew better. I knew that this was all an act and that the horns are bound to come out sooner or later.