Breathe Slow <3 [ Dedicated To Lady Dazzzzy :* ]

Ok, so .. I've been working on Lady Dazzy's project thing

I've been wanting to do it since EVER :D And i finally got inspired by the wonderfully amazing song she recommended, Breathe Slow .. ahh it's so amazing

Dazzy: I know I was supposed to email this to you, bas I'm too lazy to search for your email, so I'm posting it here, w inshallah you see it :P

And I hope you guys like it, because for once in my life I actually like something that I wrote, w this was actually funnn !!! I wanna do more <3>

Anywayssss, here it is

______________________

I could feel the tears as they slowly made their way down my face. I could see my reflection in the window, I could see the tears as they reach my chin and linger there for a second, maybe two. Then they would let go and fall into uncertainty. I could see the cars outside, going to places, coming back from places without a care in the world. My breathing starts to accelerate and my mind keeps going back to what I saw, what I read.

 

Can’t forget to breathe slow
Count from one to ten

With my eyes closed

As I take in a breath I could feel it cleansing me, then I sensed a shiver go through my whole body. I took in my second breath, third, fourth and fifth. I kept counting the breaths as I drew them in, as I exhaled. When I reached the last breath, just before I could inhale my doorbell rang.
            Great I thought to myself. I stood up, grabbed a tissue and wiped away my tears. As I was walking to the door I passed by the mirror and I saw my reflection. My face was bloated and red, ashkara I was crying. My hair, which was once in a messy bun, became even messier if that’s possible. Strands of my straight dark brown hair were all over the place, some clinging to my face.             I assumed it was my friend Reem, so I just called out “Ooooone sec, I’m coming”. I ran to the bathroom, opened the tap and splashed my face with cold, refreshing water that all of a sudden energized me. I dabbed a towel onto my face and looked in the mirror for any proof that I was crying, I found none. Good. I undid my hair and tied it back into a high ponytail. I ran back to the door and just before opening it I tucked in the loose strands behind my ear, fixed my posture and opened the door.
            There wasn’t anyone there. I stepped out and looked to my right and found nothing except for my neighbor’s welcome mat. I then looked to my left and found the elevator. No one was there. As I turned around and headed back into my apartment I tripped on something and I almost fell over my coffee table. When I looked down I found a bouquet of a dozen red roses that were left there. I wasn’t surprised, but I didn’t want anything to do with them, so I picked them up and headed towards the trash can. Just then, I spotted a card in between the roses and it read ‘I’m sorry, I love you… turn me over :)’. So I turned the card over and it read ‘I love YOU, and only you. No one else’.

Just then, as if on cue tears filled up my eyes,

I love you too much

It shows, all my emotions go out of control

When I can hardly see

From the tears that flow

I couldn’t believe that this was happening to me. I was just over it… I didn’t think there were any more tears in me to flow out! Tawnee I felt energized and refreshed, and now, here I am, crying again. If someone walks by my apartment they’ll see a girl in her pajama shorts and tank top holding a bouquet of roses in her hands and crying like a sad little child. Pathetic I know. I feel so weak, fragile and useless. I feel abandoned, unwanted and neglected. I turned to close the door and everything was a blur, I couldn’t see from the tears that kept pouring out of me, and my body felt frail. I threw the roses onto the couch and sat on the floor, against the door with the card in my hands. I kept reading it over and over again ‘No one else’. Did he really think that sending me a bouquet would make me forget everything that happened? Did he really think that I’d pretend that it’s all okay? Does he believe that sending me these flowers would prove to me that he’s faithful? I knew one thing for sure; I knew that he wasn’t faithful. He was disloyal, faithless, deceptive and devious. There was no way I was going to go back running into his arms. No way.
            Even though I love him.
            No, I don’t love him. I love the man that used to be him. He changed, and I don’t like the new him. Just as I was getting lost in my own thoughts, my phone starts to vibrate. It was on the coffee table next to the couch with the roses. I stood up, wiped away the tears and I answered the phone without looking at the screen. It’s probably Reem getting some movies for later I thought to myself.
I took a deep breath,

“Aloo” I said calmly. I was greeted by a voice I knew all too well.
“Hala Siham” Ummm what? Did he seriously say Hala to me?
“Na3am? Shtabee? A9lan ma bagee shay for you to say, gilt kl shay. You know what, I hope you’re happy ma3aha, 5la9 gilna it’s over” A tear slowly crept down my face but I didn’t let it show in my voice “So shtabee ba3ad?”
“Mabeeha, abeech inti. I love YOU. Didn’t you get my flowers? Yalla ana na6rich ta7at, let’s go out ok? Yalla 7abeebti don’t be like this giltich I’m sorry”

I’m running out of patience

‘Cause I can’t believe
what the hell I’m hearin’

And speaking of hell, it don’t compare to this heat that I’m feeling

 

Still on the phone, I walked over to my balcony and looked down. And sure enough, there he was, standing outside his newly purchased red Bentley with his hoodie up because of the rain. I was interrupted by his voice; I completely forgot he was on the phone

“So? Shgiltee? Ok?”
“LA! IT’S SO NOT OK.. YOU TREAT ME LIKE SHIT W YOU EXPECT ME TO COME BACK? I’VE BEEN PUTTING UP WITH THIS FOR 4 YEARS 7SAIN! 4 YEARS! W KL MARRA ITGOOL SORRY. 5LA9, I’M PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!” I was so surprised, I’m not usually this emotional, but my emotions are out of control. He was so taken aback by what I said; I could hear the hesitation in his voice. He didn’t say anything.
“7sain, 5la9.. that’s it. I won’t be treated this way anymore” At that point the tears came back. Perfect. I was crying so hard. I knew that he could hear me gasping for air, but I continued talking,  “Please… don’t call me anymore… bye”

            And with that, I ended the phone call. I sighed a big sigh of relief and comfort. I texted Reem, ‘Wenich? Please ta3aleely w get movies and ice cream pleaaase :)’. Then I noticed the roses were still on my couch. I picked them up, walked slowly to the balcony, and threw them out… signaling the end of the relationship. And I suddenly felt a sense of liberation wash over me, a feeling I haven’t felt for the past four years.

Can’t forget to breathe slow

Count from one to ten

With my eyes closed